Many of you have read about the tragic loss the world
endured just 1 month ago in my blog post Cancer Doesn’t Win. God Does. Brenda was an incredible person. I didn’t know it at the time, but she taught
me an infinite amount about life and love over my first 30 years. In fact, I
only came to understand all of it in the wake of her journey from this place to
a better one.
During Brenda’s battle with the terrible disease, Cassie and
I talked about it only a handful of times. I decided early on that she probably
answered multiple questions from numerous people every day about the diagnosis
and prognosis that Brenda had been given, so we mostly talked about things like
The Bachelor/Bachelorette, which kid made us most crazy that day or books we
were reading. Maybe because they were so few or maybe because it struck a chord
with me, there is one conversation that sticks out the most in my mind from the
last year.
Not sure where we were or when it happened, but Cassie began
to tell me about a discussion she had with her mom in the months before she
passed away. Brenda began to tell her daughter what she felt as she looked back
on her life. Brenda said, “I feel like I didn’t really do anything good. I
mean, I was a good person, but I never really got out of my comfort zone to
help anyone or do any great things.”
I understood what she meant. Brenda didn’t serve in any form
of organized ministry. She didn’t volunteer to help at the soup kitchen. She
didn’t even attend church services regularly. Brenda didn’t financially support
a starving child in Africa each month. She didn’t study to be a doctor and live
a life full of healing people in need. She didn’t start a non-profit
organization. It’s true she didn’t do a lot, but in those moments as she poured
her heart out to Cassie she was forgetting all the things that she DID DO.
Brenda was a quiet, caring, gentle and genuine. She never said a harsh word about anyone.
Never. I’m sure she thought them, but those feelings never passed through her
lips. She was a giver. She gave her time, money and I’m sure the shirt off her
back if it helped someone. Another good term to describe Brenda may be a
pushover. She wanted to please and avoid conflict or hard feelings at any cost.
She loved incredibly within her circle of friends and family. She spent her 60
years married to the same man for 40 of those. She worked a few different jobs
in her time on earth, but the toughest and probably the one she took most
seriously and would be most proud of would be raising her 2 kids. She devoted
her life to her family. Even after they each became self-sufficient she was a
huge part of their lives and the lives of her grandchildren.
I sat at the funeral watching a slideshow of pictures
documenting her life and wanted to scream, “Brenda look!” She taught all of
those people that it is possible to live a life without gossip, harsh words and
ill feelings. She is proof that you can love so intensely that it pours over
people you come in contact with. After the funeral ended Cassie’s son Bridger
who is 6 asked me, “Are all of these people here for Nanna?” Choking back tears
I replied, “Yes. All these people loved Nanna.” About 3 minutes later the kid
asked me the same question. He was in awe. Bridger knew he loved Nanna and Nanna
loved him, but he had no idea that she had touched so many other lives while
she was here.
If you know me, you know I could use a little help in the
area of gentle and quiet. Maybe even a good dose of refraining from saying what
I think. I can’t think of a better example than Brenda Lake. She was teaching
me by living her life doing great things and not even knowing it! Humanity was
left with a gaping hole where Brenda’s love shone every day while she was here.
I wanna be more like her…FROM THIS SIDE OF THIRTY.