I think my biggest fear is death. Not my own, but of someone close to me. I try not to let it overcome my thought life, but sometimes it seems to be a constant worry. My kids, husband, my parents, the death of a more distant relative or close friend. The thought scares me more than any other idea that passes through my brain.
Unfortunately, I have watched my very best friend have my fear become her reality over the past few months.
Cassie was born 2 months after I was thirty years ago. That was when our friendship began. Our parents were friends at the time and the rest is history. We walked, we talked, we had birthday parties, wrote a terrible song, got bad haircuts, had our hearts broken by stupid unworthy boys, we made memories, possibly committed felonies, wrecked vehicles, got married, had babies, and so much more in the span of the last 30 years, but a lot of it we did together.
Last October Cassie’s mom Brenda was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Yep… that’s the bad one. Brenda fought hard and Cassie spent the better part of the past year by her side. Cassie chauffeured and accompanied her mom to almost all of the doctor’s appointments, chemo treatments and spent many nights in the hospital with Brenda watching her slowly succumb to the disease.
Thursday June 26, Brenda took up residence at Hospice of East Texas. Two days after her 60th birthday. She weighed less than 100 pounds and would soon lose her battle with cancer. I spent many hours that week with Cassie and other family members in room 305. My hours were usually late in the evening into the wee hours of the morning. I spent some precious time with my friend and her mom during that time. I learned so much.
We spent time laughing at how Brenda would rarely be angry or upset, and if she did she would never tell anyone for fear of hurting anyone’s feelings. We noted how ironic it was that she was such a sweet woman but EVERY SINGLE year for Halloween she broke out the witch’s hat and paired it with a black broom skirt. We mourned the next chapter of her life that she will miss, then gave thanks for the last 60 years that she so gracefully lived. We went for short walks, read scripture aloud, and prayed…a lot. Slowly, we watched her body lose the soul that it was so blessed to have as a resident in this life.
Wednesday July 2, 2014 Brenda was healed. She got a brand new body of perfection, disease-free that will last her for all eternity.
I’ve seen some terrible pain here on earth before Brenda’s death and even more so since we lost her. My best friend has lost her mother. We are thirty…that is too young to have to deal with this! Through all the pain and suffering that Brenda and the people who love her have experienced God has already done great things and I believe he has additional plans to use her life and death to further his kingdom.
I texted my friend many times during these past few weeks and this was one of them…
“Cancer doesn’t win. God does.”
We live in a world of brokenness, hurt, disappointment and despair. Cancer sucks, and it took my best friend's mom from her, but I am convinced that if we were to see God’s bigger plan, his ultimate purpose, we would have a complete understanding of how he can take her cancer and turn it into something beautiful, amazing and eternally marvelous.
In the few hours before Brenda took her last breath I had a constant urge to sing a song that I love…
“There will be a day, with no more tears
No more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day, when the burdens of this place
Will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face…”
At 9:15 on the evening of July 2nd, Brenda Carol Lake left behind all her tears, pain and fears. She escaped all the burdens of this broken world and saw Jesus face to face. See!...I told ya!...God wins…cancer loses.
Life is hard…FROM THIS SIDE OF THIRTY.