From This Side of Thirty: The Story of Us

When we started dating I was…well, VERY young. A few years into college, but still young. He was…well, older. Let’s imagine for a moment that your little girl is dating a much older man. Um yes. That’s exciting. But wait. It gets even better. This older man is newly divorced and has 2 kids. Yep. Bear with me. It gets even more exciting. My young self was scheduled to move and attend Texas Christian University in Fort Worth in January of 2004, but Justin and I decided to get married and start a family. Immediately. We first started dating in early November, so you can imagine the shock of our families when we announced our engagement at Christmas especially when you take into account my impending college transfer. I looked my parents in the eye and told them that everything they planned for my future was cancelled. Change of plans guys.

When news of such a sudden and, what seemed to everyone else, a rash decision blindsides people like mothers, fathers, siblings, and close friends they each have different ways of reacting to it. Justin’s parents came through pretty easily. (At least it seemed that way. I’m sure there were sleepless nights and fervent prayer sessions at the time.) Of course he was a grown man who had been on his own for over 10 years. And then there was my family. Let’s just say it is a miracle that some of them survived the emotional toll my choices at the time took on them. It was tough. Their minds contained a fairy tale image of my future. There I was moving to TCU. Getting a new place. Getting out of the small town I had been born and raised in. A fresh new life ahead of me….Like meeting someone my own age(with no kids). A lengthy courtship, an exciting proposal and a long engagement to allow plenty of time to plan an extravagant wedding. Then, of course, start a family a few years later. That’s how it is supposed to be, right? Well… God had different ideas for this girl! The notice of my change of plans shattered all those bright hopes that had been created and eagerly awaited in the minds of the people I hold very dear.

We married in blissful oblivion on February 28, 2004. I love that man more today than yesterday, and so much more yesterday than I did on that day in February. Looking back I can imagine most of our guests attended that day with a fabricated smile and counterfeit well wishes. Even our families. Especially our families. I imagine these comments were made behind our backs, “He should have waited and given it more time after his divorce.” “She doesn’t know what she is getting into marrying a man who already has kids.” “They will NEVER make it”. From the outside looking in, I would have made those same comments and assumptions myself. I am overjoyed to write this blog post with a happy ending…proving those people wrong. I knew I loved that man and his 2 kids enough to put all of those negative thoughts and unkind stares aside and commit my life to all 3 of them.

The great thing is that God was always there, seeing us through. He had magnificent intentions for my life and my new family. Thank goodness!!! It would be a rough ride to come.

By the end of our fourth year of marriage, we had completed our family and were now, “Matejka: Party of Six!” I had also finished my college career (finally!) and graduated with honors despite running a household with 4 kids and a husband working long hours. Life was really good for the most part. I would lie in bed so many nights (and still do) and pray, “This is the life I have always wanted. I am so thankful.”

Ironically, the seventh year really took its toll on our marriage. We moved to a new place which was further from Ole Jus’s ranch work, so he was away more hours. There were many other culprits to our downfall, but we both agree that this played a big part. There were times I didn’t want Justin to come home, and times I’d rather be anywhere else than with him. He felt the same way at times. I told myself to push through until the kids were out of school. Then I decided to just make it until the older 2 were out of school.

I was desperate to save them from another divorce in their home.

Counseling jump started a repair on our lives together that I consider a miracle.

I could have never imagined the restoration God would provide 2 very broken, stubborn people. Over the last few years Justin and I have grown exponentially closer to God; as a couple and individually. In fact, I am astounded at the man of God he has become. I never could have guessed the man I married, and especially the man I fought against in the seventh year, would turn into the leader of our family that he has. We now know the value of time spent together, putting each other as priority and communication. We also know what buttons NOT to push. (Although if I get really angry I sometimes push them on purpose.) It seems now we have come to understand how to deal with one another and how important it is to be open with things that bother us.

I had a very good Christian friend tell me at one point, “If I were you, I would start putting back some money. Just in case.” She was telling me to prepare for divorce. When I heard those words out of her mouth, for a split second I almost felt justified breaking my vow. Fortunately, I could never wrap my mind around tearing our family apart…even considering all the misery we had between us.

God never intends for a marriage covenant to be broken.

It saddens me to see couples going through terrible times like we did. Not many people speak up about rough times in their marriage. Society tells us things like it’s not ok to have hard times, and if you do, move on or call it quits. Your marriage should be perfect. You are weak if it isn’t. And if it isn’t perfect, just pretend that it is. I’m here to tell you that is doing our culture NO GOOD. You shouldn’t have to share your problems with the world, but you shouldn’t feel ashamed for difficulties in your marriage. 99% of married people have experienced the downs that come with the ups.

For a time I thought I would be unhappy and bitter until our marriage ended, but that wasn’t the case. And I truly believe that doesn’t have to be the case for other couples in the same situation either. Work it out. Spend time together. Fight for the marriage that people said would never work. Push through.