I've always been a sucker for romance. I love a good mushy chick flick. Scenes where
the guy plans out the ultimate surprise for his love like a quiet picnic alone
in a flower carpeted meadow, whisks her off to a deserted island for a weekend
away or throws a party with 500 of their closest friends and family...they get
me every time. I love it! But...growing into adulthood enjoying these particular
scenes and scripts set the bar a little too high for Ole Jus I'm afraid.
Our very first Valentines Day was spent planning our wedding and packing to move,
so we were a little preoccupied. In the years after we married February 14th
always left a little to be desired... Well... A lot to be desired. Bless his
heart! He would walk over to the desk in a rush (on Valentine's night) while I
wasn't looking and grab a pencil and paper off the printer to make a card... If you can
even call it that. AT LEAST FIND A COLORED PEN!
I'm also reminded of a trip we took for our anniversary & my birthday (which are
only 1, sometimes 2 days apart depending on leap years). We drove 7 hours and
spent an awesome few days together in the Arkansas mountains. On our way home (the actual day of my birth) I realized he hadn't gotten me a gift NOR a
card. Nothing. No things. So I cried. I cried for a long time on our trip home.
It didn't take me long to realize this, "My husband DOESN'T LOVE ME!" What other
explanation could there be for him to put ZERO thought and effort into a day for
LOVE or a day to celebrate his LOVE'S birth?!?!
False. He does love me. Just not in the same way as I expect to be loved.
He was watching westerns & Indiana Jones while I was shedding years over Jerry
McGuire & Titantic. The most romantic quote from Lonesome Dove his memory holds
would be, "Wanna cut the cards, Lori darlin'?" A) My name is Lacy. B) I am not
a prostitute. C) That is not romantic in the slightest.
(Note: While the next few ideas may seem wise and profound, remember that
it took a lot of years and many disappointed holidays to come to these
conclusions.)
The way I see it, with all 11 years on my marriage resume, if you are in a
similar situation with your special person we have 2 choices...
Lower your expectations.
OR...
Speak up.
I did both. I decided to appreciate Ole Jus for paying our bills, cooking us
dinner, being a good dad and not complaining when I don't get around to cleaning the house. I came to realize that while I was having my pity party because he didn't
plan a picnic or buy me lavish gifts I was missing out on the ways he was
showing his love for me. And bless his heart he wasn't getting any credit for
all that!
Second, I spoke up. I quit crying and talked to him. I told him I needed to have
some extra displays of affection. I told him that it's important to me to see
how much he cares. I made a list of things he can do to make me feel special and
loved because (again, bless his heart!) he didn't know. He needed my help! He
keeps this list in his nightstand and allegedly refers to it occasionally. It
sits right there with the pocket knives and sunglasses (why does he keep
sunglasses in there?). Sometimes I walk by and set the list on top where he can
review it...I told you he needs help!
From where I sit now I think back to us as a couple in the car on our way home
from Arkansas years ago. I feel so bad for Ole Jus! He was doing his best. Heck!
He had been far more romantic than Indiana Jones would have been.
So a week or so ago I sent Ole Jus this text...
Sorry...I mentioned unmentionables. There still a chance that he hasn't purchased these items, but I've done my part to set him up for Valentine success.
There's still time ladies! Speak up!...FROM THIS SIDE OF THIRTY.
Labels: Marraige
