From This Side of Thirty: Here Is Your Bag 'O Panties

I type from the backseat of Ole Jus’s truck. Quick trip to represent Cavender Ranches at the commercial cattle auction at the San Antonio Stock Show. T-minus 5 hours and counting. Why am I in the backseat you ask? Because that’s where the third wheel sits. Joe Cavender got shotgun. I hate to call him Ole Jus’s boss because he’s more than that. He’s a great guy with an incredible wife and family. We are fortunate to have this gig at the ranch, but I consider it even more of a blessing to know Joe and his family. All those nice things being said…the conversation floating around the confines of this cab are BORING. I’m suffocating in words and terms like “cull bull”, “that Charolais set in pasture 5”, and “what’s the birth weight on her?” Then Ole Jus gets a phone call and I hear him say, “Oh not much. Me and Joe are headed to San Antone.” HELLO?! Remember me back here?! Your wife!? The third wheel!?

Hey! This is gonna be a LONG day. Just passin’ the time.

Update on Valentine’s Day: I want a do-over. It wasn’t terrible, but the day began with the news that my gift Ole Jus ordered online was no longer missing. It had been delivered to another house on the ranch sometime Thursday. If you’d like to know the exact time of delivery maybe we could consult the pack of domesticated canines living in the area. That’s right!...they got to the FedEx box before anyone else even had a chance. If you recall I requested new panties from Victoria’s Secret, so when Ole Jus called the guy who lives in that house and works for the ranch he asked, “Did they leave a package at your house this week?” He speaks Spanish mostly, so in broken English he says, “Oh yis! Eets de girls breeches.” Perfect. Apparently, the dogs ripped the box to shreds IN THE YARD after delivery. There is good news to report (believe it or not)…we were able to recover a BAG O PANTIES that the nice man’s son collected Thursday afternoon. And other than a few small teeth holes, they were able to be salvaged and laundered…twice.

Bag O' Panties

“Nothing says Happy Valentine’s Day like a full body rash…” That’s what I posted on Facebook Saturday. And it’s true, albeit sarcastic. I’ve suffered from a feisty little skin irritation for over a week now, the worst being Valentine’s Day morning. Doc’s think it’s a reaction to antibiotics. So, here’s Ole Jus’s predicament…Take it or leave it. If you wanna love me… the rash is part of a package deal! Hey! If red means passion, love and romance my entire body was radiating lots of it that day.

We ended the day of love with a heated “discussion” that would fall under the general classification of “Parenting”. Wow. RO. MAN. TIC. Don’t be jealous…FROM THIS SIDE OF THIRTY.