Dear Ramzee,
When I picked you up from soccer practice last night you told me I should be like the other moms. You said I should bring my lawn chair and sit and watch.
But I’m not like the other moms. And I'm not sorry for it either.
When I became your mommy in 2007 I had minimal experience with the job... but I knew enough to keep you and your brother alive! I was not the mommy who did everything for you. I was never the mommy who ran to kiss every bump and bruise. I have never been the mommy who let you sleep in my bed (although you slept BESIDE my bed a handful of times when you were little). I was not the mommy who stepped between you and every little toddler bully on the playground at the park. I am not the mommy who makes you breakfast every morning and packs your lunch for school. I am not the mommy who picks up the phone and calls your teacher every time you feel wronged. I am not that mommy silly girl! So I would think by now you would know me well enough to know that I am not the mommy who sits in a lawn chair and watches every single practice!
I am not that kind of mommy because I am more than just a mommy. I brought you into a yucky broken world and my job is to teach you how to live in it and make it a little less yucky by being a respectful, kind young person. My job is NOT to act like this world revolves around you, sister.
Being a mommy is only a small part of who I am. I am a wife.. I am a teacher. I am an Aunt. I am a daughter. I am a business owner. I am a writer. And... I am someone else's mommy too. It would be a HUGE disservice to myself AND to you if I modeled putting my life on hold the day you came into this world.
I'm not sorry for being the mom who leaves you at practice.
I'm just not that kind of mommy. I am the mommy who didn't let you have a pacifier because I wanted you to talk and cry and make noise! I am the mommy who popped your hiney when you tested the boundaries of the word, “No”. I am the mommy who made you throw your own dirty diaper in the trash when you could walk (after I changed it). I am the mommy who made you clean up your own toys when you were 18 months old. I am the mommy that let your older brother bite you back when you started making biting a habit. I am the mommy who let you jump in the pool and go under for a split second so you could learn the consequences. I am the mommy who sat back and videoed when you face planted on the slide after your attempt to walk down. I am the mommy you don’t call in the middle of the night at a sleepover because you know I won’t come get you.
I am the mommy that doesn’t go to every single practice... But I am the mommy that loves you all the way to the tips of the heavens. And because I love you so so so very much... I am the mommy that lets you learn things the hard way. And sometimes the real world (and gravity) can teach you more than I ever could.
You are only 11, but it is already evident how amazing you are. You are strong, smart, independent, and when I look at you I see the most beautiful human... on the outside, but more importantly, deep down in your heart and soul.
I’m not sorry that I’m not like other moms because YOU, little lovie, are not like the other kids and that... I love the most about you!
Being your mom has got to be one of my biggest accomplishments... from this side of thirty.
