I'm back. After 862 days away from the blog, I'm back.
I’ve questioned myself about how to start fresh with the blog after such a long time away. If I’m honest, this unanswered question might be the biggest culprit for such a long break from writing. Should I delete the former posts? Should I hit that one button and make all the blog posts from my previous life just disappear? I wasn’t sure. For a very long time I wasn’t sure.
The more I contemplated erasing evidence of a past that shaped and molded me into who I am today, the more absurd it seemed. These words tell a story. Those words tell my story. I can't change anything that has already happened, and knowing what I know now I don't think I'd want to anyway. Going back and changing one little thing in my past might completely dismantle the trajectory of the life that brought me here.
Each and every piece of the woman behind these keystrokes is a culmination of a life well lived, well loved and well learned... in part because of myself, and sometimes in spite of myself.
The slideshow of my life now includes a picture of divorce. It also includes the picture of my first born, Zane, walking me down the aisle to marry the most funny and sexy man I have ever met. It shows lonely moments, then times when I laughed-til-I-cried-or-peed-my-pants. There's a sequence of illustrations engulfed in heartache caused by a broken home, followed by images showing the village that'll raise these kids being multiplied. The life I've lived is filled with loads of heartache and heartbreak, but for each and every instance of hurt there is a bigger and better picture of grace and forgiveness. For every moment of despair, there's an equal or greater memory of saturating love from the few people who weathered the storm by my side.
Today I’m thankful. Not unlike any other day actually. I have a deep-seated gratitude for each and every moment since the day I came out lungs-a-blazin' in 1984.
It's silly to highlight the good and forget about the bad. Especially when sometimes the good manifests because the bad happened.
This Thanksgiving I'm thankful for life as it was and life as it is today.
I’m still a wife and mom, albeit the husband and steploves have changed. I’m still a teacher, but now I get paid for it. Liz still cuts and colors my hair. My weight still fluctuates. I keep my underwear in the same drawer although the dresser sits in another house. Ramzee still loves glitter. Zane still loves to work alongside his dad at the ranch. So many things have changed, yet so much is still the same.
I continue to live this life fueled by Jesus’s love for me, coffee, and laughs from deep in the belly. Most importantly, with every new day I’m fueled by the small pieces of wisdom I gain by simply being human. The character and spirit I live with today have been generated through countless trials and triumphs over time. The triumphs as well as the trials are the things I'm thankful for this Thanksgiving. I'm also very, very glad to be back...From This Side of Thirty.
