From This Side of Thirty: Book Status

I posted a cute little picture on my Instagram feed a while back. It reads, "A year from now you will wish you had started today." I captioned it as follows, “Been thinking a lot lately about the book. Had some subtle encouragements today. I will begin soon!” Oh the naivety!

Today Instagram insults me...shifts me in my seat...20 weeks ago. And have I started writing my first chapter??? Well, in my head I’ve been writing up a storm! That counts right? I've actually written quite a bit in my mind. This is what else happens in my mind…I say, "Self, all that alleged "mind writing" ain't gettin ya anywhere!"

So here's to some rededication and renewed motivation to get those chapters from the noodle to the computer screen. That way when October 20, 2015 comes around I can look back at that cute little picture on Instagram and smile knowing I started something I set out to accomplish.

Writing a book is something I've long felt called to do. Whether by obvious signs like my faithful blog readers who comment on posts or tell me in the middle of Walmart, "I love it! You need to write a book!", or more subtle, divine nudges in my unconsciousness

So what’s holding me back? There’s a reason I’m still staring at big black computer screen with that annoying blinking cursor. As much as I'd like to avoid it and live in perfect oblivion I have to admit it...it’s a 4 letter F-word…fear.

Fear of uncharted territory and the unknown.

Fear that I won’t be able to finish what I start.

Fear that no one will “eat” the fruits of my labor when it’s complete.

Fear of the devil’s backlash if I write something that glorifies God…because that’s guaranteed.

Fear that I don’t have the patience to wait years before my book might actually hit shelves (if successful).

Fear that my hopes and dreams for this work will be shattered once I begin.

Or worse…fear that my hopes and dreams will be shattered by publishers and editors after it's complete.

Fear that I just don’t have it in me.

What are the chances it can be profound and hilarious? Life changing and life sustaining? Fascinating yet relatable? These aren't simply the things I wish for the book to become and convey, but the things I wish for each person who picks up a copy to experience in their own life. I want my story to help people. I want my story to encourage people. I want my story to make people laugh and cry. I want my story to change the way people see the world.

That's the problem. I want so much for this book. So I feel the pressure already. There will be days when I wake up and have nothing to say. Then there will be days when my fingers can't keep up with my thoughts. I will see light at the end of the tunnel only to have it blackout again. I will feel like I take 1 step forward and 3 steps back more than I can imagine. It's scary. It's fear.

So I look up and I’m a year into blogging and writing. I look up and I’m 20 weeks removed from a time I found myself motivated enough to post a simple picture announcing to the world my plans to create a manuscript…a memoir…my story. 20 weeks. That’s all the time I’m going to allow fear to take. This week I’ll start my book. I’ve got a story to tell and I’m not letting anything stand in my way…FROM THIS SIDE OF THIRTY.