For those of you who have noticed the curious lack of
Top Ten Tuesday's… today is your day! When I committed to post a top ten list onTuesday every week I greatly overestimated things that come in clusters of ten.
I must however applaud myself for my stick-to-itiveness and creativity when
lists seemed to hover around 8 or 9 things. I somehow, for weeks on end,
managed to bring my faithful readers plenty of entertainment and useless
information despite the challenges. So unfortunately if you were timing your
weekly medications around Top Ten Tuesdays, it pains me to say you can no
longer depend on me and Top Ten Tuesday to remind you. I’d suggest you find an
alternative alert system. Top Ten Tuesday will now be featured on a surprise
basis only. And guess what?...SURPRISE!
So much of what I want to do through this blog is to help
people through my words (and make them laugh until they question their personal
bladder control skills). I am not an expert in anything, but I’ve lived a
little and learned a lot. There was a time in our marriage when it sucked…a
lot. You’ll hear more about the details later this year, but today I wanted to
share some of the things that make this
marriage work. Like everything this side of heaven, our relationship is always
changing and growing, but as we wrap up our 11th year together we
seem to have figured out a few things…well…TEN things.
10. The Remote- For the majority of our married life some of
our favorite times together have been hanging out at home with our kids and, on
a rare occasion, alone just the two of us. During the day I look forward to the
evening when we are finally plopped down on the couch next to each other.
Here’s the kicker…I always control the remote. I mute it if anyone gets a phone
call, I change it before the kiddos witness any inappropriate moments, I turn
down the loud scenes if the kids are asleep; I am attentive and prompt on
remote control requirements. He rarely has an opinion as to what shows we watch
so it just seems natural for me to handle it.
9. Bedtime- We have always made a habit of going to bed together.
We finish up watching TV, shower and go to bed at the same time. We always have
and I think we probably always will. It’s something I didn’t even think about
and then I realized that most couples don’t
go to bed together. I can’t imagine…oh
wait, I can imagine. In some of the
worst months of our married life we didn’t go to bed at the same time every
night. I’m convinced that bedtime for us is about making each other a priority
and closing out each day together.
8. Wake Up Time- We almost never get up at the same time. I wake up chipper and happy. Even
when I have to get up early…I may need a nap 2 hours later, but I can pop out
of bed at any hour ready to go. Ole Jus is high maintenance in the mornings. He
is needy! He needs to brush his teeth, needs a long hot shower and needs a few
cups of coffee ingested before he can deal with civilization. To his credit he
does get up really early and work really hard all day. Despite all those
fantasies I had growing up of my husband and me drinking coffee over breakfast
reading a morning devotional, that just doesn’t work for us. Fortunately, I
don’t have to get up at 5am so Ole Jus is able to greet the day in his own time
at his own grumpy pace and I sleep past sunrise most days.
7. Kid Free Bedroom- If Ole Jus had it his way the kids
wouldn’t be allowed to set foot in our bedroom any time of day. I think that’s
a little much, but I do agree that the kids shouldn’t sleep in our room.
Everyone has their own bed and their own space. There is no reason a kid should
pile up in our bed or crash on our floor. It’s easier now that the kids are
older, but we made this a rule in the beginning and have stuck to it (mostly).
6. Greet Daily- When
we come together after a long day we make it a point to stop and look at one
another, hug and kiss. This is one of the hardest things to keep up with. Some
days he comes in and I am waist deep in laundry or the kids are showing signs
of imminent physical abuse to one another. I do my best not only to look at
him, hug and kiss, but smile. It’s essential that he sees how happy I am that
we are back together again… far more important than stopping World War III in
the living room.
5. Communication- Sounds cliché, but it’s one of the keys to
keeping this marriage open for business. Ole Jus is tons better at this than I
am. He wants to hash it out and get it over with, whereas I want to walk away
and calm down for a week or a year before we talk about it. I’ve come a long
way in our years together and whether I like it or not I can admit he is better
in this area and has taught me a lot…but only this one area.
4. Date Nights & Getaways- With kids in our presence
constantly (especially now that we are homeschooling), we need our time alone. We are so blessed to live near great family
members and friends so getting a quick dinner date or night alone at home isn’t
too difficult once or twice a month. We both need breaks and taking those breaks
with one another brings us closer. I think weekend getaways are more vital than
the occasional date night. At least 2 nights away from home with just the two
of us. We try to do this twice a year at least. If we had the funds to support
the idea we might do it once a month. We always come home refreshed and
reconnected. We are better spouses, parents and people after a romantic
getaway.
3. Be Nice- When I’ve had a bad day or Ole Jus is stressed
at work it is easiest to take it out on each other. In those moments if one of
us is kind to the other it can diminish the stress and bring peace in the
house. A phone call out of the blue, a sweet text or hidden handwritten note
can be a game changer on bad days. When Ole Jus is grumpy or short tempered I
have the ability to cheer him up, so why wouldn’t I?
2. Laugh- I’m convinced if Ole Jus was married to anyone
else he wouldn’t have near as much fun. He has a tendency to get bogged down
with work and routine. I’d call myself his ray of sunshine. I’m fun, loud and
always looking to make someone laugh…he’d probably say I’m annoying and
immature… which is kinda the same. Some of the hardest laughs I’ve experienced
are when Ole Jus stoops to my level and acts like a complete goofball (which no
one else will ever witness I’m sure…but trust me, it happens). I think maybe
God put me with this cowboy to make sure he doesn’t take everything so seriously.
1. God- We haven’t always made it a priority to go to
church. By “we” I mean Ole Jus wasn’t always as faithful in his attendance as I
was. In our recent years together he is so much better about putting importance
on going to church. He says it’s only because he has a really hot Sunday school
teacher (me), but hey, whatever gets him there! If you read my Interview with a Cowboy you remember I asked Ole Jus, “What makes us work?” His answer was, “Me.
No, God.” There was a day I prayed, “God if we make this marriage work, that’s
all You! It will be a miracle.” And we got through that rough time. I never
want to be in that place again, so I’ll stick with what works for us and adjust
accordingly to our growth and change together because…well…I like him and I
think he’s hot!...FROM THIS SIDE OF THIRTY.
Labels: Marraige